ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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