dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize