i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
