Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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