Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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