I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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