Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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