So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
