I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
