Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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