If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
