I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
