I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
