Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
