FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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