No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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