Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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