you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When are your genitals available?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
