So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
