you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
