If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
