Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
