Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
