I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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