I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
