I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
