My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
