I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
