theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
