I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
