theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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