ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
