SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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