Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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