apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
