just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
