I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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