one might say we're banned from that church
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
