she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
