I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
