I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
