You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
