I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
