sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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