dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize