I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
