So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
