Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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