What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
