today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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