she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
