i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
