Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
