Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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