Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
