She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
