3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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