I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
