Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
