The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're making bets on your personal life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
