i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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