In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
