who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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