I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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