The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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