Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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