do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
