I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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