escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
