omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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