Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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