Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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