Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
