who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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