Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
