Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize