____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize
