the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
