i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm too high and old for this...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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