I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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