You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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