So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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