In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
