I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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